Books and Thoughts

Sometimes, I go to the old bookstores, only with one reason; because bookstores make me feel a lot of emotions that I need. It feels like I'm taking a huge foot step between two different worlds. From the one with no emotion at all except nervousness into the one fulls of emotions. I like the world I step my foot into. I like how everything is so new to me. I like how I can learn a lot of things through the new world.

I want to spend my life with reading books but somehow, times envies me so much that my time spent for reading is becoming lesser nowadays and I think that makes me sad. For once in my life I wish we would have more than 365 days in a year, more than 12 months in a year, more than 31 days in a month, more than 24 hours a day, more than 60 minutes in an hour and more than 60 seconds in a minute. I want to spend the more with reading.

When I read, I learn a lot of new things and my thoughts keep changing from this to this and at one moment I think I need to keep thinking so that I can be alive. Thinking makes me feel like I'm alive. But, sometimes, I hate myself that I am constantly thinking about a lot of things, even on things that are unnecessary to others.

A year ago, I read this one book and there was this one thought in my mind. I thought I wanted to be an atheist. Atheist is a faith where you only believe things you can observe or see which is impossible to me because I am a Muslim and I believe Allah swt exists even if I couldn't see Him with my own eyes. His creations are all over the world, his greatest revelation with the existence of Al-Quran explains a lot of things in this whole universe. I believe in Him because I can read what was revealed in Al-Quran.

"When they asked me what I wanted to be I said I didn’t know.
“Oh, sure you know,” the photographer said.
“She wants,” said Jay Cee wittily, “to be everything."

— Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar