Sunday, May 20, 2012

Everybody is afraid of something, right ?

You don't live your life with no fears at all. Even those people who claim themselves as criminals and do bad things to people around the world have fears. Everybody will have something they are afraid of. That's why a term called 'phobia' exist. Height, spoon, darkness, certain colors and else. But, sometimes, hiding our fear is the best thing to do because we're afraid of how scary people can use our weakness to fail us in our life. This is how we're living now. Bringing people down on their knee is not something spiteful anymore. It's a norm. And it's scary.

And for me, I'm afraid of losing people I love most. My family and friends to be exact. If they were to be in a dangerous situation, I'll flee my life just to save them. My life is precious but without them, it's nothing. Just a body without a soul. And I'm sure, these people will do the same for me even though there's a saying ; "Even your family can turn into your enemy." I have trust in them because that's the only thing I can do now.

I also have this fear, that I might not live long enough to learn about all the things in this world. I have this crave you know. I want to learn as much knowledge as the world can give me. I really think it's a waste for someone to live without learning all these possible facts and knowledge that will be useful for them in future. My mom is a teacher. A busy one I tell you. She told me a few interesting stories about how her students never really appreciate knowledge. I mean we gave them for free and they refuse to accept it. How can they be so ignorant over thing that will keep them alive to be a respectful person in future ? I just can't believe those kind of people, really. Learning is never a waste. It is almost the same as treasuring the world's greatest and priceless heritage by yourselves.

Someone said to me, "In a journey to success, you will encounter with so many bumps. And one of them comes from your friends. Choose you friends wisely and insyaAllah, you'll have a smooth journey." I never really give a thought to this saying before, but after a few obstacles regarding something called 'friendship', yes I admit it, he's telling the truth. A friend can either put you on top of the world or bring you down under the soul. I'm afraid of myself. Afraid that I will choose a wrong one. You can never tell how a friend can turn out to be a good friend or enemy. It comes with no clue or hint. 

Even me have those listless fears that I'm afraid of. I'm a human too you see. I feel insecure 24/7. I'm imperfect and ugly and too skinny and too tall. I'm awkward with people I'm not comfortable with. I have no clue what I'm gonna say in front of the crowd when I'm nervous. Things fell apart and part of my life is complicated and strange and I think I'm better of dead than alive. But, I've survived to this point of my life. And truth be told, I'm proud of being myself. 

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