Friday, January 20, 2012

Real People

Hai, guys.

Been a while since I wrote the last post. I mean real post. Hahaha. Blog is a place where I can express my feelings. It's not that I don't trust people. But, somehow, expressing myself in front of people I love, I don't know, I just think it's a really hard thing to do. For me.

I've been hurt a lot as I can remember it. The pain might be gone by now. But, the scars remain. Forever. And once in a while, the scars remind me that I've survived. Sometimes, I came to realize that maybe I don't worth a happiness. I'm not a good person nor a good friend. I know that. But, still, I always think, do I really have to torture myself by being friend to someone I don't like at all ? Do I have to pretend like I'm okay with everything while I'm not ? Do I need to be a hypocrite, lying about how I feel about them ?

I hate myself for being a hypocrite. But, once I expressed myself and my feelings, a lot of people will be hurt. And most of them will misunderstood. The whole story, not knowing how I feel, they just bash me out. It's hurtful you know. I bet, if they were in my shoes, they wouldn't be strong enough to move on. And, that's why, I wish they can shut the hell up and be quite. But, again, huh, society. They just speak. Outstanding in that part.

I can say that I'm grateful enough, to have handful of people whom I know will never turn their back on me. People who will always be there through my ups and downs. Thick and thin. They are my real friends. I do doubt them sometimes. But, all the memories I have created with them since the last six years, well I can say, "How the hell can I have a slight doubt about these people ?". They stay true behind me. A friend used to say "You're lucky to have found real people in your life nowadays.". Well, I thank them for that. For making my life worth a living.

For those people out there, who haven't found any real people, keep searching. You'll find them one day. Trust me. I'm just lucky. It's a miracle for me to be lucky. It rarely happens to a person like me. Hahaha.

P/S :
Aiysha Ghazali, Raihan Mardhiah, Nik Nasuha and Ainin' Sofia.
I miss you guys like hell. Thank you for your cares for all these years .

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