Sunday, January 22, 2012

Mine or Theirs ?

Mine or theirs ?
Would that give you an idea about what I'm going to talk about in this post ?

Today, my parents and I went out for our evening ride with the car. Papa was driving. Mama sat beside him and I sat at the back. We suddenly came to a topic about my future, what should I be ? I thought we already had a clear agreement, that I'll have my right to choose what I want to be. But, once in a while, they will always lead our conversation into this. I hated it, yet, I couldn't do anything about it.

I want them to be happy. Trust me. I do. They are my parents. My other half. My life. Without them, I might not exist in this world. I thank them for their efforts, for education they gave me, for wealth and pleasure that might not be given to unlucky kids out there. But, I do not want to have any regrets in my life. For giving them the chance to lead my life. I want to have the right to choose what is wrong and what is right for me. I'll take the risk. For in future, I can proudly say "Mommy took the chance to risk my life. Took the opposite decision your grandparents had chose for me. And I succeed." to my children.

My parents want me to be a lecturer. I was placed as an Engineering's student at the first place. But, I changed my course into Maths, because my Mama said it was the best course at the moment. Well, I agreed because I love Maths. It's the only thing I'm good at. But, I know, she wants me to be like her nieces and nephews who lead a normal happy life being Maths' lecturers. They wanted me to have a normal life. That I'll have time for my future family. That I can be a normal working housewife. The thing is I'm a 21 years-old young woman. I don't think about marriage. I love challenges. I love seeking knowledge. I like risking my life. I want to discover the world. I don't want to have a normal life. I mean, yeah I want to be a normal working housewife. But, that's my plans for the next 10 years. Not now. It's too early, don't you think ?

I want to have a house and a car that I bought with the money I gain. To send my parents to Mecca with my own money. To buy my brother, the most expensive toy he can have. I want to travel around the world with my best friends. I want to take pictures of best scenery, nature can give. Compiled them into a bunch of albums, that I'll be proud of. I have too many dreams. Yeah, I know that. But, that's how I want to live. Memories are very important to me. Because it reminds me, even if people in the pictures changed, the moments that I had with them, didn't. Some parts of me will be happy that I used to know them so well before they changed into someone else. That we have created beautiful memories together.

My parents and I have different thoughts about my future. That's for sure. I want to convince them, that I do not want to be a lecturer. That job isn't designed for me to be apart of it. I'm bad at teaching. Seriously. I bet you, if I have a class of 60 students, 70 percents of the class would fail my subject. No joking.

But, with all these problems, I want to take a moment to thank God for making my parents to agree to pay for my Master's study in United Kingdom. It's very priceless to me. If I'm still alive for the next three years, Insya Allah, I'll be in United Kingdom. I'll kick my ass off this time. This great opportunity won't come for the second time. I wouldn't have a second chance. And I really hope, this plan of mine, will work out. Readers, if there's even one reader, please pray for me. Thank you.

"Dreams don't always have to exist while the sun is down and your eyes are shut." - Alex Gaskarth

P/S :
I'm catching my dreams. Go catch yours.

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